


The One where everybody finds out

by JohnLockDivision



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: And a bit of fluff, Humor, M/M, No Smut, Pre-Slash, Secret Relationship, only crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:25:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnLockDivision/pseuds/JohnLockDivision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based (very loosely) on the F.R.I.E.N.D.S episode of the same name; They don't know that we know that they know that we know etc.!<br/>Donovan and Anderson discover John and Sherlock's (secret) relationship, and decide to have some fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sally hated it when Lestrade called in the freak. She hated the fact that they needed him even more.

Seeing the tell-tale black cab pull up at the pavement outside the offices, Sally drew herself up to prepare for whatever slew of insults Holmes had for her today.

When the cab door did not open straight away, Sally glanced into the window, and was not expecting what she saw.

Holmes was kissing the Doctor, and the Doctor was letting him.

Suddenly the freak broke the kiss, as if he could tell someone was watching, and barrelled out of the cab and onto the crime scene, informing everyone of Anderson and Donovans’ latest tryst, and apparently unaware of what Sally had witnessed.

Soon enough Holmes had proclaimed the case ‘boring’ and left with the unfortunate Doctor in tow, although thankfully he did give them a name. Sally had watched the pair all evening for any sign of their progressing relationship, but when it had seemed as though nothing had changed and Sally was about to write up their kiss as a trick of the light, she saw Anderson’s face after the duo had left and knew that she was right.

Grabbing Anderson before he could open his big mouth and ruin her hastily developing plans, Sally dragged him to the side, raising a questioning eyebrow.

 

“The...the Freak...and...his pet...they...”

This continued for a few minutes before he became aware of Sally’s expression (at which point Sally thought that perhaps Holmes was right in that Anderson was far too idiotic for her, but saved that thought for another time.)

“You...you knew! How long?”

“About half an hour. I wasn’t sure, but I guess I am now.”

“So what are we going to do?”

“Do about what?”

The pair were suddenly aware that they were the only two remaining at the scene, save for Lestrade who had just approached them.

“The Freak and his pet. It appears that Watson has finally lost it.”

 

Sally hated Anderson and his big mouth. And honestly, what an idiot – everyone knew that John and Lestrade were friends.

 

“Uh, what he means, Sir, is that it appears that the two are...together.”

“Wow. That is completely new information. ”

“You knew didn’t you?”

“Little bit.”

“How long?”

“I’ve known for a few weeks, but God knows how long before then – they were practically married before Sherlock died.”

“But why haven’t they told anyone? Or at least, why haven’t we noticed until now?”

“Because they’re freaks and it’s disgusting.”

Anderson had, wisely, kept quiet until now, and suddenly wished he had continued to do so as he was suddenly under the angry glare of the DI and the exasperated gaze of Sally.

“No, Anderson, THAT’S the reason why – because of you two. Honestly, the way you treat him, I don’t blame them. Besides, what do you expect – it’s not as if they were just going to make out at a crime scene – believe me, I made them promise not to the minute I found out – so maybe this is the best way. Now you two know, I suppose they can stop keeping it secret. I’ll tell John when I meet him at the pub later...”

“Wait, Sir...they don’t know that we know.”

“So?”

“Well...how about we have some fun? To make up for his being an annoying dick?”

“And why would I agree to that Sally?”

“Because he’s an annoying dick.”

“Not good enough. Not unless you can guarantee that I won’t have to discipline you for homophobic slurs.”

“Deal.”

 

Sally and Greg shook hands before striding off into their separate cars, leaving Anderson standing alone, slightly confused at what had just happened, save for the fact that the Freak and his Pet were queer, but he wasn’t allowed to say anything about it.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a week later that Sherlock and John were called to a crime scene, with Lestrade shooting Sally and Anderson a warning look before making the call.

Right on cue the pair turned up within 10 minutes and the Freak was inspecting the body while Watson stood to the side, watching. If she didn’t know better, Sally might have thought that she had made the whole thing up. However, she did know better and now was the perfect time to put her plan into action.

Sally exchanged a look with Anderson, who subtly (or at least as subtly as he could manage) sent a text to Sally, giving her a reason to leave the room. As she did so she walked past John, stopping for a moment and considering his jumper. 

“You should wear that jumper more often – it looks good.” Sally gave him a wink before she left the room completely, followed by Anderson, and left a rather confused John behind.

 

**~~*~~**

 

John didn’t mention it to Sherlock, but after she had proceeded to (apparently) flirt the next 3 times she had seen him, always out of earshot of Sherlock, he felt he couldn’t ignore it anymore, and was in the middle of telling Sherlock when Lestrade turned up to ask for their help.

 

“I’m telling you, she’s flirting with me!”

“Oh that’s ridiculous John, she has shown no prior interest in you so why now?”

“Uh guys, could you continue this later?”

The only response what a wave of Sherlock’s hand as John continued talking.

“I’m serious, Sherlock! I know flirting, and believe me – she’s flirting!”

“It makes no sense!”

“Gee, thanks.”

“No, not like that. All I mean is that why now? I mean it’s as if she knows...”

Suddenly Lestrade felt himself under the gaze of two pairs of eyes.

“Greg...”

“Lestrade...”

“Does she know?”

“It’s possible.”

 John ran a weary hand over his face.

“Well that explains it at least. I suppose it could have been worse – at least they know now. I suppose that saves us the trouble of – Sherlock, why are you looking at me like that?”

At this point John had opened his eyes to see Sherlock grinning at him, with a mischievous glint in his eye.

“John...they don’t know that we know that they know.”

Greg groaned.

 

**~~*~~**

 

When the Freak turned up at the crime scene, nothing was out of the ordinary. He examined the body as usual, and Sally proceeded to faux-flirt with John as usual.

However, Sally wasn’t prepared for John to compliment her in return, before shooting her a smile and a wink before chasing after the Freak.

 

Sally was still staring, slightly confused, when Anderson came up to her.

“What was that?”

“I think...Watson just flirted with me.”

“What...so they’re on the rocks or something?”

“I guess so...unless...”

Lestrade once again found himself under the gaze of two (different) pairs of eyes (boy that was getting old quickly).

“Sir...do they know?”

“Yup. So, you’ve all had your fun, you can just stop it now.”

“Or.....they don’t know that we know that they know that we know.”

Greg wished it could all be over.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few weeks, John and Sally proceeded to flirt back and forth, before Sherlock became impatient and demanded that John get it over with already and ask her on a date (which had been an interesting conversation to have with one’s boyfriend.)

And so...

 

“Hey Sally, I was wondering if you were free this evening...and if you’d like to maybe grab a drink?”

“Uh...I’ll have to check.”

Sally panicked slightly as John turned to inspect the body and Sally hurried over to Anderson.

“What’s happened?”

“He just asked me on a date.”

“What? Really?”

“Yes! This is going to far... I mean, they know that we know and we know that they know, so maybe we should just call it off.”

“No! You can’t quit now! Think about how intolerable they’ll be if they win! You don’t have to date him – just get him to the bedroom and he’ll back out before you even get to 3rd base.”

All of this had been in hushed tone, and Sally nodded before heading to stand next to John, who was once again watching the Freak make his deductions.

 

“Um, John.”

“Mmm...”

“If the offer still stands...I’m free this evening.”

“What?”

John looked at Sally with evident surprise before composing himself.

“Uh, I mean, great! How about we meet at...”

“Actually, why don’t we skip the drinks and I’ll bring a bottle over to your place?”

John found himself crowded by Sally, who was playing with his jumper.

“But...but...what about Sherlock?”

“Mmm...what about him?”

“Well...he’ll be there.”

“I’m sure you can get rid of him for a few hours...or all night.”

John swallowed loudly, before noticing Sherlock waiting for him, and ducked away from Sally.

“Wait, what time should I come over?”

“Uh...how about 7?”

“Sure – see you then.”

John managed to shoot her a smile, that felt fake even to him, and sprinted after Sherlock.

 

“Sherlock...”

“Mmm...”

“You know you wanted me to ask Sally out?”

“Ah, finally. Did she give in?”

“She’s coming over later.”

Sherlock stopped still, glancing at John a few feet ahead of him before smirking and continuing to walk.

“Well obviously you’ll have to sleep with her.”

This time John stopped.

“What.”

“Don’t worry – it won’t get that far. It’s obvious that she has no attraction to you and so will allow little more than a kiss, but this is certainly the surest way to win.”

John and Sally were both left wondering what they had let themselves in for.


	4. Chapter 4

At precisely 7pm Sherlock disappeared into the bedroom while John invited Sally inside, ignoring the rather badly hidden Lestrade and Anderson in the hall.

John took the wine from Sally motioning to the living room as he continued to fetch some glasses from the kitchen.

Returning to the living room with the wine glasses he found Sally had removed her coat and was in a rather stunning black dress, with a zip along the front. John’s mind flashed to all the implications of said dress, before reminding himself that he was in a relationship, which then reminded him of said partner in the bedroom. He then noticed the fact that she was sat on the sofa, motioning to the empty space beside her.

“I’ll just...uh...go and hang up your coat.”

“Sure.”

John ducked into the bedroom, as Sally ducked into the hall.

 

 “She wanted me to sit next to her on the sofa.” **/** “He's poured the wine!”

“Well, do it.” **/** “Well, drink it.”

“She’s in a dress!” **/** “He doesn’t seem bothered about the dress!”

“She’s trying to make an impression, maybe you should as well.” **/** “Well maybe you should unzip it slightly...”

 

John found himself de-jumpered with 'stylish' messy hair, and Sally found herself revealing slightly more cleavage than she had planned, before both were shoved unceremoniously back into the flat.

“Oh, you’re going?”

“Oh, uh, no...of course not...I just thought I heard a noise.”

“Oh, right...ok. That’s...good.”

“I’d never leave without a goodnight kiss.”

John nodded in understanding (trying not to pay too much attention to the breasts that were practically being thrust in his face) and prepared himself for what he was about to do.

As he and Sally approached each other, it was clear that they both felt as awkward as each other.

John made the first move, placing his hands on Sally’s waist, before Sally placed her hands on John’s in return.

“So.”

“So.”

The pair leaned in slowly, pressing their lips together before John felt Sally pressing into him and decided he just couldn’t do it anymore, backing away quickly.

 

“Stop, stop, stop. You win! I can’t do it!”

“And why not?”

“Because I’m in love with Sherlock!”

“Wha-“

Both doors burst open with that point, revealing 3 men sharing rather similar expressions.

“That’s right. I said it. I-LOVE-SHERLOCK.”

At this point John turned to see Sherlock approaching him.

 

“I love you Sherlock.”

“I love you also, John.”

 

The pair embraced as Anderson and Lestrade walked up besides Sally, who was looking at the pair with a friendlier expression than the DI thought possible. 

“We thought you were sleeping together, we didn’t know you were in love! I’m so sorry John.”

“Don’t be – well played.” 

The two shook hands, and Sherlock exchanged a nod with Sally before Greg suggested that they leave the couple to it. 

“To be honest, I’m just glad that everyone knows now, and I don’t have to keep this secret any longer!” 

“Uh, actually Greg...”

“We’ve managed to keep it from Mycroft thus far, and we’d like to keep it that way – he is insufferable enough as it is, so we’d like to see how long we can remain un-engaged.”

 

Greg glared at them before banging his head against the wall and storming out of the building, flipping off the black car waiting for him outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reckon Sally's dress would be a little something like this... http://www.newlook.com/shop/womens/dresses/147-fashion-black-cut-out-zip-front-skater-dress-_292376601


End file.
